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Qrazy Quotes

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Bio: Welcome to Qrazy Quotes! A place to get killer quotes, jokes, one liners and more. Share them with friends. New stuff will be posted weekly (to see the new stuff just sort by newest below), so come back and check out what's new.

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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

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A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield

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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks,

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?" "No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!" - Milton Berle

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A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields

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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly too.' - Tommy Cooper

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly too.' - Tommy Cooper

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A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. - Edgar Wallace

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. - Edgar Wallace

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Ch

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Ch

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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't. - Carrie Fisher

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't. - Carrie Fisher

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At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.' - Mark Klein

At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.' - Mark Klein

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

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Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? - Anonymous

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? - Anonymous

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Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

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I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me. - Anonymous

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me. - Anonymous

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

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I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls. - Groucho Marx

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls. - Groucho Marx

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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

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I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave - with all five fingers - for th

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave - with all five fingers - for th

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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosl

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosl

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